Mouldy Fungi

Was reading the broadsheets over breakfast this morning when one noticed that a recently excavated truffle that had been auctioned for £28,000 had been allowed to go somewhat inedible after being kept rather too long. Seems that a number of celebrities are now a bit out of pocket after the mouldy fungi was buried with full honours in some fellahs back garden. Of course this has set one thinking and what with the east wing needing re-roofing after cooks little disaster with the salad, one wonders if one could convince a few of the rich and famous to part with a small donation for one of cooks mushroom omelettes which are quite disgusting to start with so no hanging about waiting for it to go off before it needs to be interred, thus saving valuable time to be getting on with whatever celebrity chaps and chapesses get on with nowadays.

In anticipation of the bids coming rolling in one has despatched Blenkinsop, gentlemans gentleman since 1947, off to the lower meadow to collect a few fruits of the field. I know there will be a rich crop as this part of the estate always seems popular with mushroom pickers as many is the time one has heard ones estate manager discharging his twelve bore and exclaiming "Gerroutofit y' hippy mushroom picking layabouts!". Luckily the mists that seem to hang over the gardens at this time of year seem to have muffled Blenkinsops complaints about rising damp in his wooden leg as he squelches off into the distance. The silence is now only broken by the quiet thump of Utterthwaite, the head gardener, clubbing moles in the arboretum.

In the meantime one has settled down to polish off the rest of ones kippers in lemon curd...another of cooks little culinary experiments one believes but at least not quite as incendiary as the salad....and to wait for the first cheques to arrive.