Woke up this morning to hear an absolutely infernal racket emanating from the ornamental gardens. First thought was that RSM McNulty was practicing the bagpipes at some ungodly hour. Staggered out into the early light to discover a sea of tents all over the Croquet lawn and a damn great stage on the Tennis court. Seems that the recent bad weather washed a few hundred of those hippy types down river from that fellahs farm, the one who stages entertainment with popular beat combos.
Anyway, suffice it to say the place is overrun with the beggars who have decided to have a festival of their own. Wandering round the place, playing strange instruments and trying to smoke the mems' Floribundas, it's just not on. Whatever next one wonders, French Gypsies camping on the greensward of our nations racecourses ? Naturally, one immediately enlisted the aid of Utterthwaite and his mole clubbing shovel and turfed Clackthorpe out of the rockery where he has been waiting for Johnny Foreigner for the last few weeks and set off to turf the blighters off ones land...only to be stopped by the mem'.
One thinks that the mem' may have been smoking the Floribundas too. Normally she would be taking pot shots from the East wing but she seems to have taken to wearing Kaftans and playing the Sitar. Damn well gone native one reckons, could be worse than that time Carstairs went a bit strange up in the foothills. Still at least this time there are no camels involved. Daft old girl has installed a guru in the snooker room too. Damnable cheek! Should never have trusted the quack from the village and his new fangled ideas on therapy.
Of course, this means that one has to suffer the wailing and screeching of so called popular musicians hour after hour. What's wrong with a military band and a few decent marches ? Bit of martial music, far better than all this caterwauling and loafing around making the place look untidy. One does have a plan though. If you cannot beat them....let cook do the catering. Should see 'em off in no time and one can get back to normal. After all, can't have Utterthwaite wasting his time hanging round here, there are lanes to be patrolled.