Surviving the festive season

Well, one survived the festive season more or less intact. Only three houseguests were hospitalised through cooks plum duff, something of a miracle given last years record of 53. Giving her a copy of that Delia womans book in her Christmas box may have reduced casualties somewhat. Even Utterthwaites naked sprint through the shrubbery couldn't dampen spirits although Lady J did have to be revived once again. Must remember to water the servants wine ration down a tad next year.

The boxing day hunt was a roaring success even though no foxes were chased whatsoever. Flash of genius from whoever it was who thought of spraying the gypsy encampment on the village green with aniseed. One minute they're whittling pegs and putting in illegal drains, next minute they're off over the hedgerows with a pack of beagles and the Fortescue hunt in hot pursuit. Blighters certainly can run with a bit of encouragement. Some even managed to get as far as Little Crumbling in-the-marsh. Bloody good sport!

Even those wounded in the slight incident over New Year have started to get better, the medical chappies at the cottage hospital reckon most will even make a full recovery. Of course, it was their own fault. Honestly, one minute there you are sipping a good port and mulling over another slice of Stilton whilst the guests get ready to sing Auld Lang Syne when all of a sudden it's like the Somme outside as the entire village lets off their hoard of illegally stored fireworks. Of course they were not to know that Carstairs and his chums from the regimental hospital had been let out for the celebrations but that's beside the point. Just because the chaps are a little shaky from a few too many tours on the frontiers of empire you can hardly blame them for their actions although one isn't quite sure why the memsahib joined in as well. These are military chaps and returning fire from the Orangery is only natural. Not quite sure where they got the screw gun from though. Still, it was a textbook barrage, shows the regiment can still handle itself in times of crisis. Paid for all the damage and as our local constabulary point out, three of the casualties were the local bad lads so crime figures will fall for a while. Oh and in all the confusion the topiary had a slight accident so the vicar will once again be able to write his sermons without being disturbed by the phallic vision across the churchyard. Poor fellow was becoming quite agitated.