The White Stuff

Weather, it's a bit of an obsession with us British. Can't go to a dinner without the conversation turning to how unexpected such and such weather is over the brandy and cigars. That and the incident involving 'Squiffy' and the young lady in the changing rooms at Harrods.

So, it comes as no surprise that a few flakes of the white stuff drifting down from above and the whole country seems to go collectively bonkers. Seems to have become much worse over the past few years. One remembers the days when the snow would be three feet deep and everyone would dig themselves out and get on with their daily life. Nowadays, ten flakes and the place comes to a standstill, the trains grind to a halt, gritting lorries cannot get out of their depots and one is unable to find a pot of 'Gentlemans Relish' anywhere. Where's the wartime spirit gone eh ? Winter of '41, dashed cold, bit of snow and ice didn't stop the Huns and it didn't stop us giving them a bloody nose either. Didn't find Spitfires unable to get out of their hangers because of a couple of inches of snow on the runway. Didn't stop us chaps on the frontiers of empire from keeping the wily Pathan under control either. Hardy lot back then, can remember RSM McNulty running off over the snow covered passes in nothing but a kilt and vest, sporran flapping in the breeze, said it made a man out of him. Never could work out why his nickname was 'Clackers' though.

Can't get out of the damn front door now without cook pressing a flask of tea and an icescraper into ones hands. Was only going for a brisk walk to the village, hardly a trek to the South Pole. Been doing it to all the staff apparently, found Utterthwaite using his beverage to preserve the fence around the 'Big Wood'. Cheaper than creosote and apparently lasts ten times longer. Was tempted to dispose of ones down the nearest drain but feared the possible repercussions lest it get into the water supply.

Anyway, must get on, have to write a letter to ones MP about the relish situation. Snow or no snow it's just not on, a gentleman needs his Anchovy based products, especially if he has a cook like ones.